Rated M for discussion of adult activities.

Rufus and Penn were seated at a table at Leon’s Pub, enjoying some craft beer and happy hour snacks. Rufus asked, “What are you doing for Valentine’s Day?”

“I dunno,” Penn replied. “What about you?”

Between bites of wings, Rufus answered, “I’m going to Ellowyne’s. She and I are making dinner. I think we’re having seafood linguine. Or maybe we’re roasting a chicken. Anyway, I’m bringing some champagne. After we eat, we can curl up under a blanket and watch some romcoms. Or not.” He grinned. “And I ordered some orchids—that’s her favorite flower—and a sterling silver pendant with the molecular structure of chocolate.”

“That sounds cozy but a lot of work,” Penn exclaimed.

“Maybe,” Rufus replied. “But it’s not work when you love someone. Plus, it’s so much easier when you know your partner and what she likes and doesn’t like. Ellowyne hates crowds, so staying home on a busy night is a no-brainer.  She loves chocolate and being hands-on, so we’re making chocolate truffles and chocolate-dipped strawberries, the perfect afternoon project unless we get distracted.  Besides, this is our first Valentine’s Day since we started dating seriously. I want it to be special.” He dipped his wing in some ranch dressing and added, “By the way, you never told me what you’re doing.”

“Well, I have to work night shift, 7PM to 7:30AM, which is actually a good thing,” Penn answered. “And maybe the hospital will take pity on me and ask me to come to work early.” He picked away the gravy and fries from the poutine and popped a squeaky cheese curd in his mouth.

“You sound happy about working on Valentine’s Day,” Rufus remarked. “No one special right now?” 

“It’s complicated,” Penn replied. “I’ve been seeing Prudence. Casually, of course.”

“Of course,” Rufus said. “So you’re not doing anything special with her?”

Penn’s mouth twisted into a tight tangle. “I’ve also been going out with Lizette.”

Rufus dropped his chicken wing and his jaw.  “You’re dating BOTH of them? Do they know about each other?”

“I’ve been upfront with them about wanting to keep things casual. They know I see other women and they can see other men. But, um, they don’t know about each other,” Penn admitted.

Rufus nearly aspirated a bite of his wing. “Other women? How many women are you seeing?”

Penn took a swig of beer before answering. “You remember the bachelor auction? Neema and I had an amazing time on our date. She’s beautiful, smart, and has a great sense of humor. So I’ve taken her out a few times. Casually.”

“Does she know—oh, that’s stupid! Of course Neema doesn’t know about Pru and Liz, and they don’t know about her,” Rufus exclaimed. He shook his head. “So whatever happened with you and Amber? Ellowyne and I thought you two were involved.” 

Just then, Penn got an unexpected text. It was from Amber, inviting Penn to her house for a booty call. His phone had been sitting on the table, and he grabbed it quickly, but not before Rufus glanced at it. He said incredulously, “Ellowyne was right! You and Amber are friends with benefits, aren’t you?”

Penn’s cheeks burned like they had been seared with hot pokers. “Amber and I started off casually dating but things progressed and, you know. Neither of us had time for a relationship but we were attracted to each other. So we came up with this.”

Rufus stared at his beer, watching as the bubbles ascended and burst on the top. He could not deny that Amber was attractive, and at one time, she proposed a similar arrangement to him. He declined because he was in love with Ellowyne, even though at the time his feelings were unrequited. Still, he couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else. He took a sip, then asked, “Do you want to be in a relationship with Amber?”

Penn shook his head. “Nope. Look, I’ve been in the Army. I’ve been in combat. And I’ve been in nursing school. I haven’t had time for a social life since I was in high school. The stuff I’ve done has been stressful. I hooked up with some of the female soldiers when I was in Afghanistan. And with some of my classmates. It was a good way to deal with the stress of the program. Since graduation, I’ve had a couple of casual hookups with some of the other nurses, too, but they were just a way to blow off steam. You know, mindless, meaningless sex.”

But Rufus didn’t know. He didn’t understand mindless, meaningless sex. He and Ellowyne were monogamous and committed, and neither wanted to be with anyone else, casually or seriously. Still, he wasn’t going to judge Penn and decided not to comment. For a nanosecond, he wondered if Penn and Ellowyne would have dated or hooked up had she not been with him. He dismissed the notion because he wasn’t going to waste time on a silly speculation. Then he scowled, and uneasily asked, “Now, you aren’t sleeping with Pru, Liz, or Neema, are you?” They were his friends as well as Ellowyne’s. He felt a bit protective of them and didn’t want to see them get hurt.

Penn shook his head. “No! I’m only sleeping with Amber. Pru, Liz, and Neema are amazing women but I’m not going to hook up with them. It wouldn’t be fair to anyone.” 

Rufus let out a big sigh. “So back to my question. Working on Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse for not taking anyone out. But aren’t you going to give them something like flowers or chocolate? At least you’re sending cards. Right?”

Between morsels of poutine, Penn answered, “I hadn’t even thought about that. I guess I should, huh?” 

“Look, you need to do something for all of your women. Keep it simple and make sure you give each of them pretty much the same thing, and tell them to keep it to themselves so they don’t realize you’re dating all of them. You don’t want to do too much. Before Ellowyne and I started dating, I’d send her flowers and candy all the time and sometimes, she’d show my gifts to our friends and complain that I was overdoing it.  She’d put everything under a microscope, trying to figure out my motives. One Christmas, I gave her a snow globe. She showed all our friends and wondered what it meant. It was beautiful and reminded me of her. Later, she admitted that sometimes she felt overwhelmed by my gifts and gestures before we got together. Bottom line, don’t give the ladies something too extravagant that will make them overthink or misinterpret your gesture.”  

Penn nodded. “Yeah. So maybe a card for Liz, Pru, and Neema, and a card and flowers for Amber. Since nobody knows about Amber and me, it should be okay. Hey, she texted me earlier. I should get back to her stat.”

A few days later, Penn was ready for Valentine’s Day. He bought four unique handmade cards created with recycled paper, one for each girl. The sentiments were sincere but not misleading. He ordered a single rose and small box of truffles for each woman, except Amber, for whom he got a bouquet of roses and a larger box of candy. Since he was working, he didn’t need to worry about taking anyone out. Problem solved! 

Or was it?

Penn got off from work at 7:30 the morning after Valentine’s Day. The emergency room saw a number of strange cases, from a man who got a nasty burn he was trying to make dinner au naturale, to a woman allergic to seafood, who went into anaphylactic shock after her boyfriend kissed her after he had a shrimp dinner, to a man who got a concussion when he fainted and hit his head after his boyfriend proposed. Penn was with that patient when he came to and accepted that proposal, and he was the first to congratulate them.  Then he, some of the nurses, doctors, and techs toasted them with ginger ale poured into plastic medicine cups. 

As Penn left the ER and went to his car to go home, he found Prudence waiting for him in the employee lot. She decided to surprise him and take him to breakfast. Indeed, her gesture was unexpected but not unwelcome—at least, until Neema drove up to the parking lot with the same intention! The women glared at each other while Penn shifted his weight from one foot to the other. Then Lizette showed up as well! The three women stared icily at Penn and demanded an explanation. 

Penn initially speechless but eventually stammered out an apology to them. “I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t mean to hurt any of you. It’s just that you’re all so beautiful and interesting, and I enjoy your company.” 

Neema’s eyes narrowed. Prudence scowled. Lizette wanted answers.

“Why would you date all of us? Wouldn’t you be happier in a relationship with just one woman?” Lizette demanded.

Penn bit his lower lip. Sometimes he thought about committing to an exclusive relationship with one woman. Sometimes he envied the relationship Rufus and Ellowyne had. But was he ready to settle down? If he wanted a serious relationship, whom would he choose? “To tell you the truth, I’m just not ready to have an exclusive relationship with anybody. I don’t mean to sound selfish, but after being in the war in Afghanistan and studying so hard in nursing school, I missed out on dating for so many years. I don’t think of myself as a dog, but I want to date around a little more. And you three are the most charming women I know!”

“Okay, I get it,” Prudence replied. “But you’re still okay with us dating other men, right?”

“Of course,” Penn exclaimed. “I don’t want you to miss out on dating other guys. You might find someone wonderful, much better than me.” 

With that comment, the women’s faces and demeanors softened. Neema smiled sweetly and said, “Oh, Penn. You are a one-of-a-kind guy. Apology accepted.”

“Same here,” Prudence added. “You might find someone you’re meant for but we might, too.”

Lizette’s eyes glistened a little as tears formed. Blinking them away, she also accepted Penn’s apology and understood that she could date someone else just as Penn could.

The three women drew Penn into a group hug, and they took him out for breakfast. After a delicious feast of waffles, bacon, and scrambled eggs, Penn bid the ladies adieu and went to his car. He hadn’t even put the key in the ignition when he received a text from Neema. “I’d still like to date you,” she wrote. “We don’t need to tell Pru and Lizette.”

In less than a minute, he got a text from Lizette. “I can’t be mad at you. I’d like to continue seeing you. We don’t have to tell Prudence or Neema.”

Within seconds of his reading Lizette’s text, he got one from Prudence. “I’d like to see you again. I won’t say anything to Neema or Lizette.”

Before Penn could answer any of the texts, he received one from Amber, inviting him to her house. He pulled out of the parking lot, turned his car in the direction of the Stanhope mansion, and grinned. 

 My name is Prudence Moody. I was born on Halloween during a séance. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I’ve had a sixth sense since I was a little girl. I often know what’s going to happen before it does. I read other people quickly and thoroughly. Sometimes I can “hear” people’s unsaid thoughts. I have the ability to see auras, which can help me determine whether someone has good or bad energies. I am an empath and often feel other people’s pain. I have an uncanny ability to detect emotional vampires, who sometimes overwhelm me with their negativity. I avoid these people as best I can. 

My husband is Penn Wilde, the older brother of my best friend, Ellowyne. He is a nurse in a busy ER. Occasionally I volunteer at his hospital to help patients and their loved ones cope with one of the worst days of their lives. I employ healing crystals, aromatherapy, aural manipulation, and singing bowls or tingsha finger cymbals to put the patient at ease. Occasionally I use Reiki, but only with the permission of the patient or the loved ones if the patient cannot consent. It was through this volunteer work that I was introduced to my current avocation, vampire slaying. 

One night, Penn called me because there was an agitated patient who could not calm down. In fact, she became combative, which led the physician to order four-point restraints so he and the nurses could assess her condition, prepare her for tests, and deliver any care. When the doctor, nurses, and security guards tried to place the restraints on her limbs, the patient resisted and punched the doctor in his face. At that point, he asked Penn to get in touch with me and bring whatever I needed to settle her. 

Hurriedly, I grabbed the backpack that contained several tools I use for psycho-spiritual healing: essential oils for aromatherapy, singing bowls, and crystals like amethyst, rhodonite, and smoky quartz to promote feelings of calm. I meditated briefly to facilitate my assessment of the patient and strengthen myself for the task at hand. Before I left the house, I grabbed a clear quartz pendant that I often wore to protect myself from negative energy.

Penn was waiting for me at the nurses’ station. We walked into the curtained area where the patient was. At first, I was shocked and a little confused by the frail elderly woman who looked serene as she laid in her bed. As Penn and I approached her, she started to moan and call out obscenities. I leaned over her and she grabbed my pendant and pulled the cord tight. It took most of Penn’s strength to pull me away from her.  Then I was hit by an overwhelming sensation as I saw her deep black aura. Initially, I didn’t detect it because it was ruffled and chaotic, too difficult for me to sense it. I put the quartz in my pocket and placed a few drops of lavender on the patient’s pillowcase. Then I rubbed one of the singing bowls just enough to elicit sound and placed some crystals on her chest. I used therapeutic touch to manipulate her energies, and, after a few minutes, the patient calmed down enough to allow the physicians, nurses, and technicians to examine, test, and treat the woman without needing restraints. The doctor who was punched thanked me profusely, saying that he’d always been skeptical of psycho-spiritual assessment and healing but that I opened his mind. 

Suddenly, I was struck by one of the worst headaches I’d ever had. It throbbed. It felt like my head was in a vice, with little jackhammers drilling away at my skull. I saw a flash of light and felt like I could vomit. At first, Penn and I figured that it was a migraine caused by my intense experience with the patient. He took me to the staff lounge and told me to rest. On my way to the lounge, I felt a sudden, overwhelming wave of negative energy that literally knocked me off my feet. Although I was shaking, I was able to stagger toward the source of the energy drain. Perhaps the wise action would have been to avoid the area but I had to find out what was affecting me so. To my horror, I saw a young Black woman in scrubs sucking blood from an IV bag. She hadn’t removed the plugs on the bag. Rather, she sank her sharp teeth right into it. She saw me and flashed an evil, bloody smile. At that point, I collapsed. Penn was right with me but he didn’t see the woman. I was thankful he didn’t.

A few hours later, I woke up in a bed in the ER. Other than the combative patient, the ER was unbelievably quiet, so Penn stayed by my side. He applied a few drops of lavender oil to my pillowcase and rubbed my feet, a gesture I found soothing and endearing. He is my rock, and I think that, without his love, I could not do any sort of psycho-spiritual healing, much less survive in the “real” world.  

Penn finished his shift at 7:30 in the morning, and asked me if I wanted to get breakfast. Alas, I was too drained to eat anything, so we went home and headed straight to bed. Penn spooned me and we drifted off to sleep. 

I awoke late in the day. Penn was getting ready for his shift in the ER. He said that he didn’t wake me because I sleeping so deeply and he knew I was completely spent. He brought me some tea and a blueberry muffin, my favorite, before he went to work. I stayed in bed, dozing off and on, until he came home the next morning.

Penn looked haggard and exhausted when he stumbled into the house. He took two shots of whiskey, which was unusual. Occasionally he would drink one beer or one shot after a particularly grueling  shift, but never two.  The shift must have been horrendous. He dragged himself to bed and I rubbed his back while he told me what happened. He saw her. The Black lab technician I saw drinking a unit of blood was back in the same room, sucking another bag dry.  Her brown eyes danced when she saw him. Then, she spoke to him and told him he looked “delicious” but that she’d already had her fill for the night. Penn felt dizzy and hot and wasn’t sure if he had the strength to leave the room. She licked her lips and laughed maliciously as he staggered out of the room. But before he did, he glanced at her name badge and learned that her name was Neema. Hmmm. Neema. I’ve heard about a woman named Neema but I couldn’t remember from whom.

Penn, my poor, beloved Penn, slept fitfully. His limbs jerked and he thrashed about for the next eighteen hours. Fortunately, he was off work for the next several days, so he and I were able to recover from our encounters with Neema.

We discussed several explanations for her disturbing behavior. Perhaps she was part of a vampire sub-culture, a community of people who believed in the medicinal consumption of human blood to alleviate everything from fatigue to gastrointestinal conditions. She might have been delusional or mentally ill, which might make her believe she is genuine vampire and act accordingly. Maybe she read too many Twilight books or watched too many episodes of True Blood on TV. Many fans of fictional vampires tried to emulate them and form underground clubs and communities. On the other hand, perhaps Neema was a budding anthropologist and immersed herself in a vampire lifestyle to better understand it. Then again, Neema could be an actual vampire. We decided to continue to observe her to make sure which of our theories was right.

Over the next several days that Penn had days off,  he and I prepared ourselves to encounter Neema as a genuine vampire rather than a wannabe. Penn is an excellent cook, and we dined on garlic: chicken with 40 cloves of garlic, steaks with chimichurri, crusty bread with garlicky dipping sauce, spaghetti with garlic and olive oil, chile garlic noodles, shrimp scampi, and, of course, garlic bread. I gave him several Reiki sessions and led him in meditation to strengthen himself against a vampire. He grew up in a church, and decided to wear a silver cross that had been given to him as a teenager. To prevent anyone from choking him with it, he slipped it underneath his t-shirt. He tucked a mirrored compact into the pocket of his scrubs and sewed carnelian, amethyst, citrine, and black tourmaline into the pocket of his scrub pants. When it was time for him to go back to work, he was ready. 

He found Neema in the same place he and I first saw her. Again, she was dining on another unit of blood. Her eyes sparkled when she first noticed Penn, but she backed away quickly because he reeked of garlic. Then he stood in front of her, took out the mirrored compact, and determined she was not visible. Finally he pulled the cross necklace from behind his t-shirt and held it up to Neema, who recoiled. She staggered backwards and fell against a wall. Penn turned off the light and locked the door. Then he texted me. He described the encounter and asked me to meet him after the change of shift.

I arrived at the ER a little before 7:30 that morning. Penn saw me straight away and we went to the locked room where a weakened Neema crouched in a corner. We put our arms around her to help her walk and took her to the parking lot, where the sun shone brightly. Neema became weaker with every step and, with some difficulty, we got her into the back seat of our car. 

We drove to the most remote place we knew, an abandoned theme park. I found the setting unnerving but the creepy isolation seemed the perfect setting for what we needed to do. I thought that we should only weaken Neema but Penn pointed out that she might turn to other people, even patients, if she were unable to access units of blood. Besides, she was undead, so it wouldn’t be like we were murdering her. Penn carried Neema out of the car, and I readied the hammer and stake. Driving the stake into her heart was the most gruesome act I’ve ever done. We were certain we did the right thing, but we felt drained and dirty. Hopefully, Neema would be the last vampire we encountered.

Penn and I slept the rest of the day and spent much of the night meditating and cleansing our auras. I received a text from Ellowyne, asking if I’d heard about her friend Neema. Ah, that’s why her name was familiar to me. She only recently moved here and hadn’t met many people. Ellowyne wrote that Neema had disappeared after a shift as a lab tech at Penn’s hospital. There was no body, no trace of Neema anywhere. The hospital reported that she neither called nor showed up for several shifts. In an effort to lighten our moods and change the subject, Ellowyne suggested we all get together at the club the next time Penn had some time off. So we decided to go to the club the next night. 

The first people we saw at the club were Lizette and Amber. Lizette was her usual, cheerful self, but Amber seemed quiet and distracted. Her face, normally a rich, creamy color, was ashen and blotchy. She told us that she had a headache and some muscle pain, and she felt abnormally tired. However, she  brushed it off, explaining that it was probably because she was having an extraordinarily stressful time in law school. Just then, Ellowyne came off the dance floor to greet us. To my chagrin, she was not alone. 

Rufus hung around Ellowyne and me since middle school. He didn’t fit in with any of the cliques. He wasn’t an athlete, a theater enthusiast, a member of the band, a goth, or a nerd. Granted, neither Ellowyne nor I had much in common with those circles either, but we got along with them. We even became good friends with Lizette, who was a science geek, and Amber, who was a talented athlete and part of the sports crowd. But we weren’t shunned the way Rufus was. I don’t know why he glommed onto Ellowyne and me. Ellowyne was always a kind soul and she was nice to him. Even after we graduated from high school, and then college, he stuck to her whenever he could. He was always sullen and surly, even sinister at times. I avoided him the best I could. He made my head hurt. 

And there he was, right in front of us. His greasy black hair was slicked back, his clothes were wrinkled and dirty, and his face sported a twisted smile that gave me the chills. I was nearly overwhelmed at his aura. It was a muddy forest green color, which signified jealousy, insecurity, blaming others, and playing the victim card. He smirked and acknowledged Penn and me. He got in my face, and told me I looked particularly delicious. My heart felt like it would stop, and Penn and I exchanged wide-eyed, horrified looks. Delicious. I had always known Rufus to be an energy vampire, but was he now a real vampire?

Rufus snickered at Penn and me. Then he took Amber by the hand and guided Amber to the dance floor. As she stood from the table, Penn spied two puncture wounds on her neck. 

Ellowyne and Lizette sensed that Penn and I were uncomfortable around Rufus. They both assured us that he had changed but neither of us was convinced. If anything, he was worse–more ominous, more dangerous–than when we were all in school. Ellowyne asked us to stay a little longer, and Penn agreed. That shocked me because he knew I was reeling from the encounter with Rufus. He pulled me onto the dance floor and whispered that staying  would give us a chance to check on Amber. We scanned the floor but didn’t see her or Rufus. Eventually, they came in from the outside. Rufus strutted and flashed a wide, self-satisfied smile. Amber staggered as if she were under the influence of some kind of intoxicating substance. Or a vampire…

Penn worked a stretch of four 12-hour night shifts while I read and researched and reviewed every bit of information I could about vampires. We went back to the club on his first night off, and saw Amber by herself. She was bold, flirtatious, and approached Penn immediately. She said that word: Delicious. We knew that she had become a vampire herself. He flashed his cross necklace, which made her shudder. We didn’t have the sunlight to weaken her, but we were able to get her into the car and to the abandoned amusement park. There, Penn held the stake while I hammered it into her chest. I cried. Amber, when she was alive, was a great friend. But Penn reminded me that her life ended with Rufus’ final bite. 

Lizette called on me one evening because she was frightened. She had a deep, disturbing feeling that Rufus was involved with her friends’ disappearances. We discussed him a little and I shared that I always felt uncomfortable and drained in his presence. I didn’t share my suspicion that maybe he was a real vampire. I did an aural reading, led her in a guided meditation, and gave her a Reiki session. I noticed that she was wearing a silver cross that her grandmother had given her, and I told her it was so beautiful that she should wear it all the time. Afterwards, I realized that I hadn’t eaten yet, so I asked Lizette to stay for dinner. I heated up some leftover chicken with forty cloves of garlic and made a salad with creamy garlic dressing. I also served garlic bread. She remarked that she loved garlic but that a previous boyfriend didn’t and wouldn’t “let” her have it. Since they had broken up, Liz indulged in garlic whenever she liked. We toasted that terrible boyfriend with a glass of wine, and I sent the rest of the garlic bread with her when she was ready to leave. 

A few nights later, I texted Ellowyne and invited her to dinner. Penn had the night off and prepared a garlic-laden feast: salad with lemon garlic dressing, sourdough bread with garlic dipping sauce, and shrimp scampi. Penn joked that he wanted to serve garlic ice cream, which we actually had in the freezer. Instead, he dished out huge scoops of homemade chocolate ice cream drizzled with hot fudge sauce. We discussed Rufus, and I told her about my concerns that he could not be trusted. Ellowyne became uncomfortable and she admitted that she would rather avoid him altogether but he stuck to her like a blood-sucking tick. I shuddered at her simile. 

Several nights later, we met up with Lizette and Ellowyne at the club. Rufus was there and put his arms around both women. However, he recoiled when he saw Lizette’s silver cross. He then stood up, took Ellowyne’s hand, and led her to the dance floor. I had finally had it with Rufus. Years of him clinging to Ellowyne and stalking her, along with him being a real vampire, came to a head. I marched onto the dance floor and yanked my best friend away from him. He glowered at me, then pulled me into his arms to dance. He paled when he smelled the garlic on my breath and in my sweat, but he wasn’t going to be deterred from what he intended to do. He smiled sardonically, exposing his fangs. Then he pulled me close for a slow dance, even though the music was lively. Rufus ran his clammy fingers through my hair and lingered at my neck. My skin crawled and my spine tingled, but I wasn’t going to let go of him. Not if I was going to stop him.

Eventually, Rufus guided me outside where some club goers went to smoke. We walked past them into a secluded spot. Just then, Penn came up behind Rufus, opened some vials of holy water from our vampire-slaying kit, and threw them at him. Rufus shrieked and turned to attack Penn. I grabbed some cloves of garlic and rubbed them on Rufus. He screamed that they burned and he let go of Penn. We dragged Rufus to a nearby creek and the flowing water weakened him enough that we could get him to our car, tie him up, and drive to what had become our spot for slaying vampires.

Once we were there, Penn pressed his silver cross onto Rufus’s forehead, which made him screech. I dug out the crucifix in our kit and pushed it toward him, which significantly weakened him. Then Penn readied the stake and I, fueled by rage, hammered it into Rufus’ chest. While the undead vampire perished for its very last time, he transformed. No longer was he dangerous. No longer was he a controlling creep. His face became that of a middle schooler’s, an innocent adolescent who desperately wanted to fit in. As I watched his transformation, I realized that Rufus was not malevolent at his core but that he was socially awkward and misunderstood. He didn’t know how to be a friend, to get along, to admit to sweet Ellowyne that he cared about her, or to return her kindness. Rufus didn’t start out as a monster, but his insecurity and social ineptitude made him into one. Penn and I cried. He then took an axe and decapitated what was left of Rufus. He put a match to the body to set it on fire and crushed and burned the head, ensuring that the vampire could never return to threaten anyone again. We sat there until well after sunrise, when the brilliant orb bathed the ashes in bright, direct light until they completely disappeared. We went home and put away our vampire-slaying kit. 

Penn and I were spent. He asked for and received an emergency leave of absence from work because he was too distraught, too exhausted, too traumatized to even step into the ER. About a week later, he and I went on a healing retreat. We received Reiki, had massage therapy, and walked in the rain to cleanse our auras. We thought about telling Ellowyne and Lizette that Rufus was a vampire and that he turned Neema and Amber into vampires themselves. We decided against it because the threat was no more. At least we hoped.

As the pandemic continued to dominate everyday life, Prudence sank further into the abyss known as the Internet. She spent so much time online that she skimped on self-care measures and interactions with her family and friends. She had gotten into YouTube stories based on situations gleaned from Reddit. Pru had been a bit disillusioned when she discovered that some YouTube channels wrote their own outrageous stories. How many stories could there really be about nasty mothers-in-law who insulted young wives, sisters and friends eloping with fiancés the same day as the wedding, and mom friends expecting that someone else will pay for their high-priced meals and vacations? 

Eventually, Prudence figured out that the most unbelievable stories were fake, so she stopped watching those videos and went instead to videos based on Reddit posts. She soon ventured into Reddit, where she read stories about a mixed bag of topics, from the revenge of jilted lovers to the histories of obscure comic book heroes. Although she had heard that Reddit users could be brutal, she made an account, read anecdotes, and made a few comments. 

One afternoon, Ellowyne sent her an invitation to FaceTime. Prudence ignored it because she was immersed in a discussion of open relationships. Later, she disregarded Lizette’s request to FaceTime, and paid no heed to a text message from Amber. Frustrated and concerned, Ellowyne texted everyone in her circle to join a Snapchat meeting and try to convince Prudence to participate. 

The next day, Ellowyne invited her to the Snapchat group but again Prudence didn’t respond. Undeterred, Amber, Lizette, and Rufus tried to get in touch with her but were unsuccessful. Finally, Penn sent her a message and implored her to converse with her friends. He even offered a one-to-one interaction but she paid no heed. Stymied, Ellowyne decided to discuss her concerns about Pru with their friends. “I am so worried about Pru,” she started. “She’s cut off all contact with me. And Rufus.”

Rufus spoke up. “Prudence and I have always been good friends. She was supportive when my folks died, but I can’t figure out why she ignores my texts.”

“I’m afraid I’m part of the problem,” Lizette said, chagrined. “I told her about Lawrence some time ago, and I haven’t heard from her since.”

Ellowyne tried to soothe Lizette. “Prudence isn’t the kind of person who would be jealous of a friend’s happiness.”

Rufus responded, “Yeah, but maybe she’s worried that we don’t have time for her anymore. I mean, I’ve been so preoccupied…”

“Oh, Rufus,” Amber replied. “You’ve had so much going on. I don’t think anyone could begrudge you the time and space you need.” 

Ellowyne stated, “I’ve been so wrapped up in my relationship with this guy that I haven’t given my friends the attention you all deserve.”

“I haven’t kept in touch with Pru, either. These 12-hour shifts that turn into 15 or 18 hours are killing me. Even worse, I don’t get a lot of time off, and I’m always exhausted,” Penn admitted. 

“I think everyone understands why you’re socially out of the loop. “I mean, you’ve been so busy and worn out with work that you haven’t even had time for us,” Amber explained. To her chagrin, she immediately realized she had revealed her secret relationship with Penn. “Oh no. I’m so sorry, Penn. I didn’t mean to tell anyone about us.”

Penn wasn’t thrilled that Amber said anything about their relationship, but he assured her that it was okay and their friends would find out anyway. “One of the reasons we haven’t been forthcoming about…us…is that we didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Rufus and Ellowyne hadn’t gotten together yet, and when Lizette and Lawrence got involved, we were about to say something to all of you. But then we decided not to because we didn’t want to make Prudence feel left out.”

Ellowyne shook her head and replied, “Maybe Prudence feels left out of life. The pandemic has changed everything. We used to get together all of the time, usually several times a week. We saw each other at college and had lunch together. But the isolation of the pandemic, maybe that’s what is getting Prudence down. She doesn’t see us or her teammates.”

“She probably isn’t as active as she was before COVID. No yoga classes, no Zumba, no Pilates. The rugby season is cancelled so she’s missed out on practices and games,” Lizette suggested.

“With all classes being online, she didn’t have to leave the house to go to campus,” Amber said. “Then again, none of us have.”

“And none of us got to walk for our diploma,” Rufus pointed out. “We got our degrees in the mail, and we understand why we didn’t have a real graduation ceremony. But it sucks. We worked hard and missed out on a truly happy day of our lives.”

Penn stated, “Several of us will have other opportunities to walk for graduation. Amber, you’re headed to law school. Lizette, veterinarian college. Rufus, a PhD in engineering. And Prudence will get a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree. Ellowyne, you and I are the only slackers not going to graduate school right away.”

Ellowyne smiled. Penn had always said he wanted to get an advanced nursing degree so he could become part of a medevac team. And she made plans for her own further education but hadn’t even discussed them with Rufus.

“The thing is, we have to admit that the pandemic has been terrible for all of us. But we’re strong and will get through it. Prudence is our good friend and we’ll all just need to take time to make sure she knows it,” Ellowyne remarked.

“I think if we try to treat her the way she would treat us, we won’t go wrong,” Amber suggested. 

“She was so caring when my parents died,” Rufus said. “All of you were—and still are. But maybe we need to focus on Prudence, surround her with positivity, and just be there when she needs us.”

“Prudence is going to get through this,” Lizette remarked. “But we need to be patient and let her know that we love her. No matter what.”

The truth of the matter was that Prudence, for the first time in her life, was clinically depressed and in need of professional help.

Weeks went by but the pandemic was still in full force. Beaches in California would be open but health officials urged social distancing and wearing masks. Although she loved the outdoors, Pru decided it would be wise to remain inside. School was over and she awaited her diploma in the mail. She and her friends were disappointed that they could not walk for graduation, but the sacrifice was worth not getting exposed to COVID-19.

Prudence’s days at home felt long. Her parents were at work every day, and she filled her hours meditating, practicing yoga, and surfing the Internet. As of late, she spent far more time online and much less practicing self-care. She received the jewelry-making supplies but the packages were unopened as it was too much of an effort to make something, much less wear any new jewelry.

She fell into a stultifying routine of Krispy Kremes and coffee every morning. She didn’t want to meditate or exercise when she had just eaten. So she turned to the Internet, checking out new websites as well as her favorites. Prudence was on YouTube several hours a day, looking at silly stories about badly behaving in-laws, women stealing their friends’ husbands, and “Whatever Happened to Brendan Fraser?” or the latest actor the armchair critics want to bully. She watched music videos and laughed at the crazy fashions performers wore in the 1980s. Sometimes she watched old episodes of TV shows like the original Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits. She also watched videos about making videos! 

One morning, just as Pru had finished her doughnut and coffee run, she got a call from Ellowyne. “Hey, girl,” Ellowyne said. “Do you have time to talk?”

“Sure,” Pru answered. “What’s up?”

“Well, no one has heard from you for a few days and we’re wondering how you are. We haven’t seen you at any of our Zoom meetings or FaceTime.”

“You’re doing the breakfast Zoom meetings? Rufus, too?”

“Sometimes he participates. And sometimes he sleeps in! But he’s doing better, making progress with his grief. He also signed up for vaccine trials. He said that he’ll do anything he can to stop the spread of coronavirus.” 

Prudence asked, “Are you still making masks?”

“Actually, I’m selling them as quickly as I make them. I need to send you, Amber, and Lizette some new masks,” Ellowyne replied. “So what are you doing these days?”

Prudence hesitated a bit before answering. She was embarrassed to admit she spent her time watching mindless videos online. So she stretched the truth a little and said she was going to start a blog about having the best life despite the pandemic.

“That sounds great,” Ellowyne exclaimed. “Please send me a link when you publish it! And I’m sure everyone else will want to read it, too. Hey, what do you think about Lawrence? We met him in person when he and Lizette stopped over with food right after Rufus’ folks died. We couldn’t talk much to him—we were all wearing masks and maintaining social distance—but he seems nice.”

Ugh. Prudence was happy for Lizette but her new romance made Pru feel even more alone. Everyone was pairing up: Ellowyne and Rufus. Lizette and Lawrence. What next, Amber and Penn?

Instead of sharing how she felt, Pru said, “I am so happy for everyone.” Tears welled up in her eyes so she decided to end the conversation. “Oh, it’s getting close to noon. I need to let you go. It’s good to talk to you, Ellowyne.”

When the call was over, Prudence turned back to her laptop to watch YouTube.

To be continued…

“Hey, Lawrence,” Lizette texted. “Are you doing anything right now?”

“Not a thing,” he answered. “What’s up?”

She paused a little before she answered. “You know that friend of mine? The one whose parents died from COVID? I’m making a grocery run for him and his girlfriend. Want to come?”

“Yeah! It will be good to get out of the house,” Lawrence replied. “Will you pick me up?”

“Not a problem. I’ll be there in a few minutes. Don’t forget your mask or hand sanitizer.”

Lawrence noticed Lizette’s pensiveness when he got into her car. “Bae, are you okay? What’s going on?”

Lizette burst into tears. “COVID didn’t seem real to me until Rufus’ parents died. The deaths that occurred always happened to someone else, not anyone we know. My friend Penn is an ER nurse and he deals with death from COVID all the time. Maybe he’s used to it by now. But I don’t know how anyone could get used to all the death.”

“Death seems like an abstract construct. We can talk about it, dread it, mourn for those who die,” Lawrence said. “But once it becomes personal, it hits hard. Not only are you dealing with an actual loss, but you’re also feeling vulnerable. If your friend’s parents died, how safe are your parents? How safe are you?”

Lawrence pulled Lizette close to him and she cried onto his shoulder. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m making such a mess on your shirt.”

He wanted to say something to her but this was just not the time. But deep in his heart, he knew he loved her. 

To be continued..

Rating K+ for some language and a hint of an adult relationship. It is based on the Ellowyne canon.

The atmosphere in the small lecture hall crackled with anticipation at the 20^th Annual Bachelor Auction, a benefit for the Paws ‘N Claws animal shelter. Attached to the main shelter building was a small theater used for lectures, documentaries, and fundraising. Neema was the first to arrive and saved half a row of seats near the front for her friends. She played on her phone until Prudence and Lizette arrived. Ellowyne was the next to come, and Amber traipsed into the theater last. When she saw all her friends, she bellowed out her favorite greeting. 

“Heifers!” she shouted. The women were delighted and they giggled and mooed. Neema seemed a little reticent to join the response but she went along with it. 

“We must seem like a strange bunch,” Prudence whispered to her. “But trust me, you will never meet a more supportive, caring, and affirming group of friends. I’ve known Ellowyne and Rufus since middle school, and we met Amber and Lizette in high school. We got to know Penn in college. He’s a couple of years older than we are. He served in the Army in Afghanistan and now he’s a Registered Nurse in the ER.” 

Neema inquired, “He sounds interesting. I haven’t had the chance to get to know him yet. By the way, where ARE the guys?”

Just then, Rufus bounded down from backstage. “Hey, Neema! Glad you could join us! I was giving Penn some encouragement before the auction. He thinks he’ll get a higher final bid than I did last year. We’ll see about that!”

“Are you up for auction, Rufus?” she asked. 

“Not this year,” he answered, smiling at Ellowyne. “The guys to be auctioned are supposed to be eligible bachelors, and I’m not single anymore.”

“And we’re going to keep it that way,” Ellowyne said. Neema noticed that Ellowyne was positively glowing when she gazed at Rufus and gave him a kiss on his cheek. 

Amber piped up. “Rufus has been up twice. The first time he was auctioned, I won. He took me to the Cartoon Art Museum, and we ate at In-N-Out.”

Rufus pretended to take umbrage with her comment. “Hey! You enjoyed the Wonder Woman and Supergirl exhibits AND you stole most of my animal-style fries.”

“Truth be told, ladies,” Amber explained. “I had a pleasant afternoon with one of the most eligible bachelor volunteers at Paws ‘N Claws. I bid against three other women—I’m sure you can guess who they were. The date was certainly worth $900.”

Neema noticed Ellowyne rolling her eyes. Was there some sort of history between Amber and Rufus?

Ellowyne remarked, “Last year, shortly before Rufus and I started dating, we all pooled our resources to make a big fat bid for him that would surely win.”

“We had serious competition for him,” Prudence added. “I think there were a couple of aggressive society matrons who wanted him to be their toy boy. Or is it a boy toy?”

“We paid $350 each for the four of us. It was for a great cause,” Lizette added.

Rufus said dramatically, “They say that every man has his price. Mine was $1400. I feel so cheap!” Then he grinned slyly. “But I got to take four gorgeous, amazing women on a date! And I got a goodnight kiss from each one!”

“He took us all to the Wharf and then to the Ghirardelli Chocolate Experience,” Prudence said. “It’s a great place for a date!”

Lizette asked her friends, “Should we pool our resources again in an attempt to win Penn?”

“Well, I’m not bidding,” Rufus said. “He might be my best friend, but I hang out with him whenever I want. Might watch sports or to a pub for bar food and craft beer. Usually he ‘forgets’ his wallet and I get stuck paying.”

The women laughed. However, no one answered Neema’s question about pooling their money to bid on Penn.

Just then, the lights in the theater dimmed and the women—except for Ellowyne—made sure they had their numbered bid cards ready. The audience, whose enthusiasm was already palpable, was shaken and stirred into an alcohol-free frenzy.  The first handsome gentleman titillated the crowd. He was a chef from a Michelin-starred restaurant, and his name was Freddy Wilde. Neema asked Ellowyne, “Any relation?” Ellowyne shook her head. Prudence placed a bid but someone outbid her, and Freddy went for an even $1000.

The next several bachelors were equally attractive. One was a fireman who wore tactical pants, a tight t-shirt, his hat, and a smile. He went for $1200. Another was a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer who wore his form-fitting uniform. He bore a striking resemblance to a young Erik Estrada, so much that his colleagues and even the emcee called him Ponch. The bidding for him was intense. The winning bidder was a woman of a certain age with a spiked, tiger-striped bob haircut and a bad spray tan. Amber bid $900 but was outbid., and Ponch went for $1500. Amber quipped that the woman probably watched CHiPs when it first aired in the 1970s. Then she said, “Maybe I’ll have to speed more often. I wouldn’t mind getting a ticket from him.” She paused. “I would have bid higher but I’m saving my money for Penn.”

Just then, Penn walked onto the stage. Dressed in spandex-blend scrubs that perfectly matched his dark blue eyes and a stethoscope around his neck, he exuded sex appeal and confidence. The emcee introduced him by asking, “Who would like to play doctor with this nurse?” The audience roared. 

Neema put in a $400 bid for Penn, and was promptly bested by the cougar who won Ponch. Amber made a bid of $600. At that point, Neema decided to let Amber and the other woman duke it out in a bidding war. She was a fierce, aggressive sniper on eBay and planned to hold off bidding until the very end. Eventually the sugar mama who won Ponch gave up. But just when Amber was congratulating herself on winning a date with Penn, Neema struck. 

The next few minutes were like a ping pong game. Amber put in a bid for $1000, and Neema bid $1100. Amber bid $1200 but Neema countered to $1300. The two women grappled with each other, increasing their bids by $100 each until Amber offered $2200 and Neema $2300. Amber usually got what she wanted and it was hard for her to give up graciously. Still, she knew that Neema had deep pockets and would continue to outbid her. The auctioneer looked first at Neema and then at Amber and said, “Going once, going twice, gone to Number 86!” And the frenzy was over.

Prudence, Lizette, and a rather glum Amber started bidding on some other bachelors. Prudence had the winning bid for a cute Reiki practitioner, and Lizette won a date with a nerdy marine biologist. Amber bid half-heartly on a guy who designed video games. He was cute enough, kind of geeky, and totally not her type. Maybe he’d  take her to the Cartoon Art Museum. Two years ago, she enjoyed her date there with Rufus, from Wonder Woman to animal fries. But they were friends, nothing more, nothing less. This date was going to be abysmal.

At the end of the auction, the eligible bachelors went over to their respective highest bidders. Ellowyne noticed that the sugar mama won two dates, one with Ponch and another with a handsome paramedic. She whispered to Rufus that the cougar might have one crazy evening in mind, and he chuckled. Then he spied Amber looking glum and disinterested when her date started talking video games. Amber caught Rufus’ eye and mouthed the words “Help me!” so he moseyed over to Amber and her date and began asking about the merits and drawbacks of different gaming platforms. 

Ellowyne then spotted Neema with Penn. He was a garrulous guy and had little trouble engaging with people he didn’t know, but Neema seemed uncomfortable and didn’t have much to say to him. Ellowyne told Penn about what turned into a great gaming debate, and, once he heard someone talk about Nintendo Switch, he excused himself to join the other guys.

“Neema, what’s wrong?” Ellowyne asked. 

Neema sniffled and a tear crept out of her eye. “I guess I did something wrong by bidding so high on Penn. I know last year you all got together to bid for Rufus, and I asked if we were doing that for Penn. But no one said a word.” She pulled a tissue out of her purse and blew her nose. “I guess I shouldn’t have outbid Amber. I don’t know if there’s something going on between her and Penn, but I guess there is and I blundered where I shouldn’t have. I just thought it would be a great way to help the shelter and a nice way to get to know Penn since he is in our group of friends.”

Ellowyne thought for a moment if she should tell Neema about Penn’s dating habits. When he first joined the group, he hit on each one of the women. First, he tried to date Ellowyne, but he backed off when he found out how Rufus had been in love with her since middle school. Penn dated Prudence for a little while. They bonded over a mutual love of sports but eventually decided to be friends. Then he dated Lizette. She was so shy and didn’t date very much, and it took some time for her to open up to him. But eventually they decided to be friends as well. And then there was Amber. Sometimes they would go out several times a month but then they ratcheted it down to hanging out just a couple of times. Ellowyne also heard from their friends that Amber and Penn had a friends-with-benefits relationship. One time she asked Rufus to find out from Penn if he and Amber were more than “just friends”. Rufus refused to do that, saying that gentlemen never tell and the best friends of such men would never, ever break a confidence. She decided against telling Neema anything about Penn’s dating history. Ellowyne knew Neema would find out eventually.

“Oh, Honey,” Ellowyne said, as she gave Neema a big hug. “It’s okay. You didn’t know that we all were going to chip in for Penn. I guess we just assumed that we’d do the same thing this time. And Amber, well, she knows she thinks she’s entitled. None of us could stand her until we found out she had participated in children’s pageants. So she can be very competitive, especially for male attention. But you didn’t know that. She’ll be okay. Just give her some time.”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” Amber startled Ellowyne and Neema when she joined their conversation. “Ellowyne is right. I’m the entitled only child of wealthy parents. They got me involved in pageants, and I learned I didn’t like losing. Sometimes I’m a bitch. Ellowyne and our other friends keep me grounded. I am sorry for being less than gracious. I hope you have a wonderful time with Penn!”

Lisette furrowed her eyebrows as she was deep in thought. Finally she said, “I have an idea that will make all of us happy. Penn, you keep your date with Neema. And Neema, don’t beat yourself up over this. Have a wonderful time, talking and maybe doing something that will be enjoyable for both of you. Now, Amber, you bid a lot on Penn…”

Rufus interrupted Lizette. “Too much money, in my opinion. You know that he’s never going to let us—to let me—hear the end of it.” And everyone laughed.

Lizette gave Rufus the side eye and continued. “Anyway, Neema, one of us should have told you that we like to pool our money. We had so much fun last year when Rufus took us out, and we kind of figured we’d do the same. But we never let you know. So, I think we should pool our resources and, instead of money, donate  enough volunteer hours so we can “earn” a date with Penn.”

“So you’re suggesting we put in some sweat equity,” Prudence said. “We donate enough hours that would be the equivalent of $2200, which would have been Amber’s bid.”

“That’s a great idea,” Ellowyne squealed. “Rufus and I have helped with pet adoption days and it’s always been enjoyable. We could do that again!”

Neema said effusively, “That does sound like fun. Maybe I need to adopt a cat or dog.”

Prudence whispered to Ellowyne, “Just don’t tell her about Sybil. Your cat needs an exorcism.” 

Amber stated, “So if we’re going to pool our volunteer hours to get to $2200, the three of us would be—yikes—about $700 each.”

Ellowyne and Rufus whispered something to each other, then Ellowyne commented that she and Rufus would be glad to pitch in for Penn as well. “That would decrease the amount owed to $440 each,” Rufus chuckled and quipped, “I can’t believe I’m putting in hours at the shelter to pay to go out with this douche. Don’t forget your wallet this time!”

“This sounds like a lot of fun,” Neema remarked. “Could I possibly get in on this group date? I’ll gladly do whatever is needed at the shelter.”

“What the heck,” Penn said. “I might as well do some volunteer work, too. I mean, I’m the record holder for the most high-priced bachelor in Paws ‘N Claws history, so maybe I can charm people into adopting dogs and cats.” 

Amber noted that, with all seven friends donating time to the shelter, each person would put in the equivalent of $314 for the group date with Penn. “And remember,” she said, smiling at Neema. “It’s all for a good cause!”

“Ugh! Are we out of toilet paper again? Marisol, have you been shopping recently? I mean, we, of all people shouldn’t have to deal with silly shortages!”

Marisol cringed when she heard Amber hollering. She enjoyed working for Mr. and Mrs. Stanhope but dealing with Amber was another matter altogether. “Yes, Señorita! Please give me your list and then I will go.”

“Hmmm,” Amber said. “I’ve been craving your clam linguine, so you’ll need to go to the seafood market. Oh, since you’re going there, you can pick up the ingredients for cioppino. Remember that I love extra crab and great big shrimp. Back to the linguine, could you make the pasta from scratch? Do you need semolina flour? And hard flour for sourdough bread? A bread salad sounds so refreshing.”

Marisol rolled her eyes as she hastily wrote down Amber’s demands. The girl would never write out a list, even if she promised. She had no concept of how much time and effort Marisol put into everything she did to please her. But her parents, while wealthy, treated her with appreciation and respect and made no outrageous demands. Amber was getting better, however. She put effort into her friendships with the other girls and the two boys in her social circle. And she was starting to be cognizant of a world outside the mansion gates. So perhaps Amber would eventually learn to treat Marisol kindly.

Disrupting Marisol’s train of thought, Amber bellowed, “Don’t forget the toilet paper! I need the extra soft kind. Four-ply. Ultra-soft, deluxe, extra plush. But not the kind with those obnoxious bears in the commercials. I’d use cheap toilet paper over that!”

“I won’t forget, Señorita! I’ll leave in a few minutes so if there is anything else you want, please let me know.”

“Tamales! Your tamales are so good. And mole. I don’t care what meat you get but I would love to have some of your delicious Mexican food.”

Marisol added masa to her list, along with pork, chicken, some spices, and Mexican chocolate. At least Amber did acknowledge that she liked Marisol’s cooking. Still, Marisol plotted a little passive aggressive revenge because she always got the toilet paper with bears in their commercials and put them, without packages, in all of the bathrooms.  

To be continued…